Amber - Help

 Today is my birthday you know.  I've been struggling.  I could use some help over here if any of you ever read this.  Either by joining me here with your own posts or comments or even just letting me know that you read this.  If you missed my last post about this then you should know that I can't see that anyone has viewed the post unless you do it by first viewing the blog.  The view count doesn't go up if you view it from the back end.  You see I need some accountability in order to progress in my goals or at least right now.  So I keep coming back to here because it was working however it isn't so effective when no one sees my posts.  Right now I feel very alone over here so if anyone reads this then please help me.

Ok I took a break because I was starting to feel too heavy so here is my plan for the week.  I've added too many goals in the past so I'm back to simplifying it.  I will continue to do scripture study because that I've still kept up on but everything else has become lost.  I need to focus back on my morning and evening routines, in particular the evening because it makes the morning possible.  I used to be able to stay up late and still get up early but now I get sick without enough sleep.  The evening routine will be the priority and in particular the repentance prayer.  I'm thinking I should do it earlier in the evening so that one I'll be awake and two it will get done.  I think at 8:30 I'll set another alarm and I'll do the prayer and maybe other routine things.  So to sum it up and lay it out plain here, in order of importance and focus, is the list below.

1. 8:30 I say my repentance prayer.

2. I make a plan and prepare for the next day.

3. 9:30 I get off of all electronics.

4. 10:00 I go to bed.

5. I get up at 6 am and do my morning routine.

6. I add the rest of evening routine.

Monday:

* The Lamanites had covenanted to never come against the Nephites again but in Alma 48 Amalickiah convinces them to break that promise.  The way he did that is a good example of how Satan gets us to do things we don't plan on doing.

• First he hardens their hearts, another word for this is to desensitize.
• Once desensitized you can't fell the spirit very well in that area, this weak spot allows Satan to influence you and eventually you become blind in that area.
• This blindness allows him so much influence that he can sway your emotions, your mind, and even your beliefs.

• I was watching a mystery with Grandpa and I've become desensitized to my alarm so I ignored it and only later remembered I was supposed to take a break to say a prayer.  However one good thing is that I set that alarm on the first day.
• I didn't make a plan and really I didn't do anything else either so I'll quit here.

Tuesday:

* More on the tactics of Satan today.  Amalickiah was a pretty good example.  In Alma 47 he convinced Lehonti to come down off of the safety of the mountain.  Amalickiah said Lehonti could keep some of his protection, that they would meet on equal ground and then he seemed to be offering exactly what Lehonti wanted.  In the end Lehonti was poisoned and Amalickiah took over.  In Nephi it talks about Satan leading people with a flaxen cord until they are bound with chains.  I remember when I used to care for several horses and one day I came to feed them and found the smallest horse had tried to leap the fence.  Her leg had got stuck in the top part of the fence.  Fortunately it wasn't barbed wire but the only thing keeping her there was the loop of wire that was all the way up at the top of her leg.  This horse was the most skittish one and had never let me touch her before.  However she didn't really have a choice so I went to find some wire cutters and a lead.  Alas all of the halters and leads had been recently locked up and the boss forgot to tell me where he put the key.  Once I freed the mare how was I supposed to get her to go back through the gate?  The only option I had was some bailing twine so I grabbed a piece looped it around her neck and cut the wire.  It took a long time to convince her to follow me, we did a zigzag pattern for a while but eventually she allowed me to lead her through the gate and back to the other horses.  It has always amazed me how little it takes to lead a 2,000 pound creature, especially one who obviously doesn't trust you.  She could have pulled away, if she had decided to run that little piece of twine would have done nothing to stop her but it was enough to take her to where I needed her to be.  Now it's not quite the same thing because I was after her best interests and really she probably would have preferred to be there with the other horses but Satan does the same thing to us.  He takes his time and tries different things to get us to follow him.

• I got my alarm this time but put it off for about 40 mins before I prayed.  However I did do it so that is good.
• Nothing else to report.

Wednesday:

* Throughout the war chapters the Nephites have been able to maintain their ground until they had contentions among themselves.  In fact the first wave of attacks from Amalickiah were repulsed and the Lamanites left defeated having lost over a thousand but the Nephites hadn't lost a single soldier.  As soon as contentions split the Nephites their attention was drawn away from their borders and the Lamanites captured several cities where previously they couldn't even get past the gates.  Again later in Alma 53 the Nephites lost more fortified cities due to contentions among themselves.  The need for unity is clear.  That doesn't mean everyone needs to agree on all things but that despite any differences they are still united in defending themselves.  Once the foe became themselves they didn't have what it took to defend against outside forces.  

• I heard the alarm but didn't get my prayer until later.  However I did actually go do it early before I finished with the computer.
• I also prepared for the next day as well.
• Nothing else 

Thursday:

* Today I'm adding onto yesterday's thought.  The Nephites were able to trick the Lamanites with some strong wine.  The Lamanites tried to do the same often but the Nephites were able to avoid it.  They were united in their focus on their enemies and even more important they were remembering their God and he protected them.  This is the best way to be united is to always remember God.

• I completely missed the alarm and forgot about saying the prayer until I went to bed.

Friday:

*  Uh oh I forgot to do this on Saturday well and Friday too so I don't remember the thought.

• I remember missing the alarm though.

Saturday:

*Again no thought because I forgot to write.

• I heard the alarm and was in the middle of something that would have been a pain to redo if I left so I was planning to do it in 10 mins when I was done but alas I forgot.

Sunday:

* Today I read the end of Alma and the end of the war.  This end found people changed, either the war hardened them and they grew in wickedness or it softened them and they grew in humility.  So it is with anything we experience.  When hard things come we can turn to the Lord and then we will be safe.  Or we can get distracted from the things the Lord has asked and that will away from the Lord to become hardened or, as I said earlier this week, desensitized.

• I had a great day and was able to get my prayer in when the alarm went off.  I didn't do anything else for the evening routine but it was a great prayer.

Sad week here but I'm feeling very positive and hopeful about next week so I'm going to keep trying.