Amber - Hesitantly Adding More

This week is going to be a good week.  I've decided I shall add the next thing despite less than stellar results of last week.  Normally I would not but I'm hoping the next thing on the list will help me with the previous thing.  I have been doing a lot of energy healing which maybe I should be putting on here because it is a goal.  It's a lot easier to do even though there are multiple things to do because I'm paying for it and I've got to use it if I'm going to put money on it.  Also I've felt a huge difference by using it.  I've felt a lot more free and light.  I've also had more self-control and had a greater desire to accomplish my goals.  I took a three week course for illness and I was less sick during that time and was starting to eat healthier.  Now I'm working on some older issues and I'm eating bad again and thus I'm sick again.  I'm planning on getting back to my physical health after I work on the older issues and some spiritual things.  So here is the list again.

1. 8:30 I say my repentance prayer.

2. I make a plan and prepare for the next day.

3. 10:00 I get off of all electronics.

4. 10:30 I go to bed.

5. I get up at 6 am and do my morning routine.

6. I add the rest of evening routine.

I might split up number 5 if it becomes too much for me but it has been far easier than the evening routine in the past so we will see how it goes.

Monday:

* I read a talk by Douglas D. Holmes called "Deep in Our Heart".  He spoke about relationships and how a huge part of having them is to help each other.  He quoted Elder Eyring who said "What will matter most is what [others] learn from [you] about who they really are and what they can really become.  My guess is that they won't learn it so much from lectures.  They will get it from feelings of who you are, who you think they are, and what you think they might become."  I liked this it focus's on our divine nature, we are all on the same path and we all started out with the same main goal, we were all headed in the same direction.  It doesn't matter where we are on the path God loves us and God loves everyone else too.  If you really want to help someone else then love them and see them as God sees them.  Also I really liked another quote by Elder Renlund about parenting.  "Our Heavenly Father's goal in parenting is not to have His children do what is right; it is to have His children choose to do what is right".  I'm not a parent but I am a child and this tells me that I'm not supposed to do all the right things. I'm supposed to choose to do the right and when I fail to actually do it then I'm still in line with what God wants because I'm going to keep choosing the right.

• I don't remember what time I woke up but it wasn't right at 6.
• I was a half hour late on everything but I did say my prayer.
• I planned for tomorrow though ps future me threw most of those plans away.
• I got off the computer at 10:30
• I went to bed at 11ish though it was so windy that I couldn't sleep until after midnight sometime.
• I'll probably not put up all my energy healing that I'm doing right now because it is long and complicated, though if anyone is interested in knowing about it then let me know.  However I'd like to share the changes I see as a result of doing it.  So today I had a big thing happen.  I'm going to get a little personal here but I'm ok with that, feel free to skip if it makes you uncomfortable.  I've never thought of myself as having low self-esteem.  I've always known I'm a child of God and that He loves me.  I've also had parents family and friends who care for me too.  However sometimes when I'm not taking care of my body the thought has run through my head that I deserve what I'm doing to me.  I've not dwelt much on it as it only happens when I'm mistreating myself by overeating carbs, making myself sick with how much candy I'll eat, staying up so late that I don't get good sleep, spending lots time playing games on the computer, etc...you get the picture.  However yesterday when I usually feel this way I started to say it to myself and I realized that it wasn't ringing true.  I stopped midway through the thought and then this thought came that I didn't deserve it.  I already knew that logically, of course nobody deserves it and that then includes me, however I right now I believed it and I felt it.  I am a daughter of God and I have a body that is sacred.  It needs the kind of treatment it deserves.  So that is what I experienced yesterday and it was amazing!  I didn't work on this issue specifically so I can't say what exactly of my healing that affected but it is really cool to see things changing.

Tuesday:

* I read today from a talk again by Elder Eyring called "Prayers of Faith".  The thing I liked was how important he says prayer is for the second coming.  He asks what can each of us do to participate in this great work and then he says that "As we pray in faith, we become a vital part in the Lord's work as He prepares the world for His second coming."  Such a simple act yet it is far more powerful than we realize.  I have barely tapped into that power and I have seen miracles come from it.

• Since I couldn't sleep last night I completely missed my morning alarm and didn't wake up until 8:30.
• I went to Cam and Kiley's house and missed all of my goals today.  I really have a hard time getting my goals done when I'm traveling so I'd really like to get it tomorrow.

Wednesday:

* I read the talk by Elder Soares called "The Coming Forth of the Book of Mormon".  I found a bunch of little things but I'll share one.  At the very end he quotes the introduction to the Book of Mormon, listing out what the book does for us, "puts forth the doctrines of the gospel, outlines the plan of salvation, and tells men what they must do to gain peace in this life and eternal salvation in the life to come."  Those are all great things and are a large part of why we don't just share with people the things we have in common, we share with them new revelation that they might not agree with, we give them the Book of Mormon because it has the truths they are missing and it has the power to change their hearts.

• I went to bed really late last night but was able to sleep until almost 9 so I got good sleep just didn't make it at 6.
• Tonight was a repeat of last night, no improvement.  It's getting super annoying that I don't just go do it!

Thursday:

* Today I found a thing in 3 Nephi.  I've really struggled to get much out of the chapters about the tempests and darkness.  Tomorrow I'll read chapter 11 and I'm sure I'll get a lot there.  However I reread some of chapter 9 verse 13.  It says "O all ye that are spared because ye were more righteous than they, will ye not now return unto me, and repent of your sins, and be converted, that I may heal you?"  It made me think of all the times I have been spared some sort of trial or other bad thing.  This happens regularly even when I totally don't deserve it.  When it happens it is also an invitation to come back to Christ and be gathered into a safe place.  Here Christ is offering healing not censure, he says repent not because you need to be punished or to pay for what you did but because it is how he can help you.  It is how you can feel better and be clean.  He offers safety, security, and healing in a world where all that is uncertain.  And He offers it again and again no matter how many times we say we are not interested or how many times we accept and then change our minds and leave.

• Travel was long and stressful and I've forgotten to write/really didn't have time to write.  I remember I didn't say my prayer today nor did I go to bed on time, though we weren't off to bed super late.  Addy, Alyse, Chad, and I all squished into one hotel room.  It wasn't bad for me but Chad slept on the floor.  Though we had so many excess pillows that he had enough to use as a mattress.  I wish I'd taken a picture of it.  Anyways we didn't stay up too late but I didn't get enough sleep.

Friday:

* Today was the funeral.  I did read but I was still so stressed that I couldn't concentrate and didn't find anything.  I learned later that the largest part of the stress was not knowing what was going on.  Mostly not knowing what we were going to do at what time, when we were going to leave, where we were going to stay the night, how long things were going to take.  Usually we have more of a plan but apparently just going with the flow for an entire trip is not healthy for my mental and emotional state.  I need more of a plan with definite start and stop times and places.

• I was driving all evening so no prayer, no plan for tomorrow, no routine, and a late bed time.  The last was unavoidable and the everything else was almost impossible.

Saturday:

* I didn't read today, I was still recovering and unpacking and then also watching Grandma and making dinner and doing all the things she wanted to do.  I think she felt she had to entertain me today so she kept trying to do fun things with me.  It was actually fun but I didn't get stuff done and I was exhausted so I went to bed soon as I was unpacked.

• I didn't say my prayer.
• I did plan for tomorrow.
• I didn't get off the electronics on time.
• I did go to bed.

Sunday:

* I'm alive!  I got my thought from a talk by John A. McCune "Come unto Christ--Living as Latter-day Saints".  He spoke of doing hard things by relying on Christ.  Near the beginning he says that "Nephi knew that if he continued to stay focused on the Lord, he would be successful in fulfilling what the Lord commanded him."  This is something I've become more and more aware of.  I'm so often unsuccessful when I'm on my own that I've realized that I need to involve the Lord in the things I'm doing.  In the past I've kind of had two lives, the one that was for church and spiritual things and then the other for everything else.  I've not mixed the two very much until more recently.  Part of me was afraid that I'd have to change in a way I didn't want to.  However I've realized that God wants us to be happy in the things we enjoy, he just asks we put him first.  So I've been involving him in everyday things and I feel much closer to him and find myself to be much more successful.

• I slept in but I don't feel bad at all, I really needed the sleep.  I didn't wake until around 9 so hopefully my body can go back to a good sleep schedule and I can reach my goals.
• I was bad again and didn't do anything for the evening.  In fact I foolishly left my phone in my room until midnight and was up on it until then, at which point I kicked it out and went to bed.

So this week is a scratch, I'm going to pretend it didn't happen, kind of, and move on to next week.