Amber - Third Christmas week

 Ok third time is the charm, I will attempt the same for the same reasons as last week.  Isn't this the definition of insanity?  That must mean I'm insane.  So why should this week work when last one didn't?  I'm thinking...I have to change something.  Well the idea is to actually do the things I say.  

Alright I've decided I'm going to start on Monday by doing three other things.  

• Little to no TV, only for spending time with Grandparents.  I have to leave the room with the computer if I need to.
• Little to no phone games, if I start to feel restricted then I can play a single game in between tasks.
• Not sure if I'll keep this one up but I'd like to split the day into sections.  I'll try it Monday and see if I like or if it works.
• By 10:00 - Morning stuff
• By 12:00 - Cleaning or shopping
• By 3:00 - Cooking, decorating, time with Grandma, or cleaning
• By 6:00 - Do some personal stuff before I try to get on the computer ( If I can resist the computer afterwards and do something else then great but If I want I can get on at 6)

Here are the actual goals that I'm trying to accomplish for the week.

1. Set these goals as my intentions for the day and make this part of my morning routine. (in the past this has been an extra thing on top of my routine)

2. Visualize the thing I'm working towards, this is becoming part of my energy work for the day.

3. I exercise at some point in the day, preferably early morning (depends on bedtime).

4. 8:30 I say my repentance prayer.

5. I make a plan and prepare for the next day.

6. Bed at 10:00.

Monday:

* I'm reading Moroni 10, last chapter in the book of Mormon.  Focusing on verse three, I don't recall paying much attention to two parts in this famous scripture that goes as follows "remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men...and ponder it in your hearts."  I've skipped that part and focused on other stuff but it says we need to be pondering these things.  References also point to the fact that these things need to be in your heart.  We need the scriptures to become a part of us not just words on the page or in our ears.  One way to get this to happen is to ponder on things that stick out, think about what they mean and try to understand them better.

• I have already set intentions today.  I'm actually doing really good considering it is a bad cramp day.  We will see how the rest of the day goes.
• I forgot to visualize today.
• Also didn't exercise.
• I did say my prayer
• I also prepared and planned for tomorrow

Tuesday:

* While reading more of Moroni 10 I came to the part of gifts of the Spirit.  Everything we have is a gift from God and in verse 8 it says to not deny the gifts of God.  Often I take these things for granted and then sometimes I neglect the things I've been given, to me this is a form of denying.  You are denying yourself use of the gift or denying others that gift.  I've found that I start to lose that gift when I don't use it.  I forget how great it is to have and then I don't turn to it or use it often, eventually I begin to forget how to use it.  Moroni isn't just saying it comes from God so you ought to respect that gift he is giving us a warning of what will naturally happen in our lives if we deny those gifts.

• I've had a pretty bad day today and I've already written these goals once but that was actually yesterday and when I came back they hadn't saved so I'm trying to remember what happened.
• I had a dentist appointment which was only a check up but it threw my day off.  Plus Christmas and cramps, today was worse than yesterday.  I did get some stuff cleaned up and a couple other things done but as far as goals go I pretty much failed.
• I did set a few intentions but they didn't go so well.
• I partially visualized but only just.  Wow I'm sounding super negative sorry.
• No exercise, no prayer, and no plan for tomorrow.
• I was feeling so bad that I stayed up and built a trike breeding house as well as tamed a few new dino pets.  I didn't get to bed until 2:30.

Wednesday:

* I'm feeling worse today surprise.  I only got 5 hours of sleep so I should have expected it.  I did read my scriptures but I didn't find anything and I have a major headache that two ibuprofen didn't even touch so I quit trying.

• I'll confess I'm feeling really bad today and this blogging is not helping at this moment.  Nobody will probably even see this so it can be depressing at times.  However when I'm consistent at trying and not pushing it aside then the blog really does help whether anyone is here or not.  Guys I feel very lonely right now.
• I've lost a day and am really depressed so I can't remember what happened except that I went to bed around midnight.

Thursday:

* I read the rest of Moroni 10 and I looked for all of the ways you can come unto Christ.

• Remember what God has done for his people and ponder on it
• Ask in faith if these things are true
• Don't deny but acknowledge the power of God in all the good things you see
• Don't deny the gifts of God
• Remember that his is the same God always and his gifts will last forever
• Have Charity
• Have Hope
• Have Faith
• Do Good
• Lay hold on every good gift and touch not any evil gifts
• Awake and arise and put on beautiful garments
• Strengthen they stakes and enlarge thy borders
• Be perfected in Christ
• Deny yourself of ungodliness
• Love God with all your might, mind, and strength

• Today I've been ignoring the way I feel and just doing things without regard to what it is or what order things go.  It has been a almost completely non-productive day.  I know I feel awful but I'm keeping myself distracted with entertainment and doing stuff with Grandma.  Unfortunately that means I really did nothing on my goals.  I did go to bed at around midnight again.

Friday:

*One week to Christmas and I'm sure not ready.  Good thing I got my presents or I might be in trouble.  I read a conference talk by Michelle D. Craig of the Young Women.  My favorite part was the idea of asking to see things.  I asked to see the blessings in my life more clearly.  Another thing I found was the idea of seeing yourself as God does.  Not just in general terms but the phrase she uses is "soul deep".  "The more you understand your true identity and purpose, soul deep, the more it will influence everything in your life."

• Today is even worse and I realized that I was going to drown if I didn't do something about it.  Ignoring the problem was preventing me from doing anything that would help it.  I wasn't praying or really reading or thinking of anything that made me face my current reality.  I couldn't even visualize because I had no hope that I could reach those things.  So my mind was always somewhere else and that was making it worse.  So today I've turned and faced it and I feel so heavy that I can hardly move.  I've been doing one thing at a time, it's been a slow day but I'm beginning to feel better.  The turn-around point came when I remembered that whenever I'm succeeding things start to get harder.  So I concluded that I must be really close to reaching my goal otherwise Satan wouldn't be trying so hard.  That made me feel better and I've been able to do things.
• I set intentions and they aren't really big but they are happy to think about experiencing
• I did manage to visualize, it isn't as complete as I usually do but I did enough to make me feel a little better
• I unfortunately didn't do any of my other goals for the day.  However, I ended the day feeling ok, no longer like I'm unable to do anything.

Saturday:

* I read a conference talk by Elder Cook.  It was about unity and I particularly liked the story of the women who treated the uninvited Indians as well as she did her invited guests.  Elder Cook says "Unity is enhanced when people are treated with dignity and respect."  Treating all people with respect invites the same from them.  Elder Cook also talked about how we have a country in the US that was created to foster unity no matter what people look like.  He said two important principles that the constitution is based on are agency and accountability for one's own sins.  When we lose these things in our lives then we begin to lose our rights and our protection.

• Alas I'm having some serious issues with my computer.  The fan is going out and I might have trouble blogging until I get a replacement part.  I'll try a temporary repair but it may be short-lived.
• I have set intentions.  I am better than yesterday but I'm still pretty low today, I'm hoping I can get up out a little bit more and I'll feel even better by tonight.
• I also visualized, it was a little easier but it didn't seem as successful as yesterday.  That is what I'm feeling, I'm not very excited to do anything today, it all seems rather drab and dull.  Not boring but almost like a nothing.  I'll actually do my energy work today and that should help.
• Actually I didn't do the energy work, I've got so many things to do and they all demand attention at the same time.  I failed at the rest of my goals for Saturday.

Sunday:

* Again I didn't read my scriptures.  I find it so strange that I am very strict and diligent about getting my scripture study in during the week and then I often don't even think about it on Sunday.  It's weird.

• I didn't do any of my goals.  Sunday is a different day for me.  It really is like its not part of the week, it's as if it is on a different plane of time and I go visit that time in between Saturday and Monday.  It's as if the normal days rules don't apply and apparently that means goals.  Sometimes I'm great and sometimes I do something else.

I thought I'd report on the changes.  First I did very well on the TV, I barely watched any at all except for spending time with grandpa and grandma.  Second I did better at the phone thing, I was able to do a few more things this week though obviously not goal related.  Third I tried sectioning the day on Monday.  It went ok but I didn't really see a huge difference and in the past doing stuff like this has resulted in stress and depression issues.  Too many deadlines or something like that.  I feel stifled and constrained and probably the worse part is that I run out of time to do things well and thus deprive myself of the one thing that keeps me wanting to do things.  I think I won't keep doing this but it was a nice thought.