Taylor - I'm Back! Goals and Updates on Me

 Alright! I'm actually kind of excited to try this again. We will see how long I last, haha. I want to try to make this a little like a journal for myself, but also keep it simple so you ladies aren't spending forever reading my posts :)

This past week Austin and I went down to Houston for my brother's endowment! It was so great being able to take a break from life and go spend Valentines weekend with my family. They also recently adopted an adorable puppy. We believe he is Great Pyrenees and possibly Poodle, his name is Jax and he is the cutest fluffball. I was also able to see one of my best friends who just came home from her mission! We didn't get to hang out like I hoped, but it was good to see her. 

After I write up this post, I am going to go put together one of my goals: a belated Valentines gift to Austin. I forgot to put it together in the hustle and bustle of cleaning, packing, and driving down to the airport. It's nothing classy or unique, but I'm going to write up all the things I love about Austin and put them in a jar for him. As you can tell, we aren't very good at doing things to celebrate holidays:)

We just reached the halfway mark in our semester, and I cannot wait to be done! I'm only taking 3 classes, but one in particular has been a pain in my side. It's Events Management. I am a team leader, and one of the people in my group is really bad at communicating or doing anything. We are supposed to be designing and putting together a huge event for 600 people, but since COVID, it won't actually be happening. Which makes it difficult to actually get deadlines set up and do things since we aren't actually setting up catering, or printing posters, handouts, and social media campaigns. Trying to email my teacher and figure things out, I've discovered that he easily miscommunicates and misunderstands (and what's funny is he is a Communcations teacher and this is a communications class...) He also has no instructions for any of the assignments on his class site, just the titles of the assignments, haha its great. I'm fixing to just settle for a B.

On another note, Austin and I will be going to Fayetteville, NC in mid-April, and will be there until the beginning of September! I'm really excited for this new adventure. I really hope that the apartments his job is putting us in has a gym and pool. I'm trying really hard to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, and am working out more than I ever did before I was pregnant. It just doesn't want to go! I've been stuck at this weight since October/November. But I will keep trying.

One thing that I haven't talked about very much lately is how I am doing mentally. I am alright, honestly. It's rough to say, but I don't think about Ellie very often. I guess I do think about her daily, but it's more of a fleeting thought rather than actually THINKING. I'm finding myself being triggered by little things, for example, my teacher showed a video of President Reagan's funeral procession and it made me cry, thinking about Ellie's funeral. One thing that really struck me was the respect shown during his funeral. I didn't tell Dana (sorry Dana if you're reading this and finding out...) but Austin, me, and my dad went back to the gravesite after the luncheon, and the man who was working the tractor to fill the grave had carelessly run over her plaque and flowers, and had sloppily thrown them on top of her filled grave, broken and mangled. I still am SO mad about it. 

 I've struggled seeing Millie and Benjamin growing and learning new things. I really want them to stay frozen at their beautiful little newborn stage, so that I don't have to feel the time pass. I was pregnant at the same time many of my friends were, and seeing their cute girls (yes, all had girls) grow is painful, but I also can't help but be happy and love them so much. You guys didn't know this probably, but we tried 6 months for Ellie. It's not really very long, but it's long enough to make you go a little crazy and question why. We are on month 4 of trying for #2 now. You have no clue how badly I wish it would just happen. I don't feel the literal ache in my arms for Ellie anymore, I just feel like time was forcefully rewound and I'm starting all over again. 

I could go on and on about my feelings on that subject, but I don't really know how to construe what I'm trying to say, or how to move past the subject. But I guess I will wrap up the subject by saying that for the most part, I am okay!

My goals for the remainder of this year:

I want to continue working out 4X a week, doing modifications after we get pregnant.

I want to take 8 credits next semester, and hope to take off Fall semester, then completely finish school by July of 2022.

Austin and I are trying to study Come Follow Me each night, and start doing FHE consistently.

My biggest goal for this year is to have a healthy pregnancy and safe happy delivery. 

I also want to try using Hypnobirthing techniques, so I will try to dedicate lots of time this summer/fall to practicing that.