Amber - Doing it this week

 I have been struggling to get anything more done all last week.  However, this week is going to be different.  I'm doing the stuff this week.  I'm putting down the same goals but I'm adding one or two things.  Part of my problem is staying up too late and this affects my whole day.  It's an ongoing issue for the last couple years but much worse now that I need to be up in order to get things done before I need to be helping Grandma.  As it is I spend the rest of the day trying to do both at the same time.  By evening I have a little bit of free time before my brain runs out of power and then I need some relaxing time.  Often there is a bit of depression involved and when that happens I'm not going to bed anytime soon.  It might help too if I have a rise time.  So here are the goals below.

One time things.

• Put up all of my signs and affirmations (just have one to reprint and put up)
• Make a plan of what extra things I'm going to study
• Make a plan of how I want to practice doing my daily goals

Daily goals

• Get up 6-7.  I prefer 6 but having enough sleep is more important than more morning time.
• Keep my room electronic-free
• Do service when I'm lonely
• Memorize when I drift off into an imaginary world
• Call someone when I feel tempted
• Repent each night
• Go to bed 9-10.  I aim for 9 but not sure if I can cut myself off by then if I already had a bad day.

Monday:

* I've been seeing the news as I lived here at Grandpa's and the world is not improving in peace and love.  It has been mostly depressing so I usually don't stick around when it's on.  My reading today addressed this and made me feel a bit better.  Section 29 starts out nice but quickly goes into what is going to happen to the wicked.  I'm not looking forward to seeing some of this stuff but I am excited for the day when the Lord is in charge of the government instead of the world.  Verse 11 says that "For I will reveal myself from heaven with power and great glory, with all the hosts thereof, and dwell in righteousness with men on earth a thousand years, and the wicked shall not stand."  It was the last part that was comforting, those who choose wickedness in the end will not prevail.

• My room is going good and I also finished putting up my signs.
• I've also doing good with using my memorizing.

Tuesday:

* I did read but didn't get anything out of it so no thought today.

• Still good on my room.
• I did get up a little earlier today but not quite by 7.

Wednesday:

* My reading today was in D&C 29 again.  Verse 40 talks about Adam and how he was tempted "he became subject to the will of the devil, because he yielded unto temptation."  This is what happens to us each time we give in to temptation.  We do what he wants and it becomes more difficult next time to resist what he wants us to do.  Since he definitely wants us to fail at life and God wants us to succeed then it is clear who we should follow.  Sometimes I forget how important it is but once I've given in a few times it becomes more clear how hard it is to get out by myself.  I need to keep this in mind more often, who is behind the temptation and why I should say no.  

• I did get up a little after 7 but unfortunately last night I stayed up a bit too late (I totally forgot that I was supposed to go to bed as a goal) so I didn't get enough sleep and I was tired all day.
• My room is good
• I made the choice to stay up again and this time it was almost one.

Thursday:

* Last day in section 29 and today I thought about the image of Christ gathering us as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings.  If you've ever seen it or when you look it up the mom calls and all the chicks run as fast as they can to the shelter of her wings and then they stay under as she walks to safety.  The scriptures never say he gathers them like a cat gathers her kittens.  A cat finds the kitten, picks it up, and puts back with the rest of the kittens.  The hen relies on the immediate response of the chicks in order to keep them safe.  Christ doesn't force us to come to him but he calls and is always ready to receive us if only we will run to him.  He also didn't say he was choosy about which people he accepts.  The mother hen never discriminates with her children, all receive the same invitation.  Christ never discriminates based on how quickly we respond, how often we run out from under the wings, or by what we have done since we were last with him.  His invitation is open to all no matter where they are at and how little they may feel they deserve it.  His protection covers everything we have done and everything we will face.  He doesn't expect us to flawless, on the contrary we wouldn't need him if we were.  It is a for sure expectation that we are as we are and that he welcomes us anyways.

• I bet you can guess that my late night prevented my early rising.  It was a little after 8 when I woke, still not quite enough sleep but strangely enough I feel better today than yesterday.  It might be worse tomorrow.
• Room is good
• I stayed up again but only until 11
• Been using my memorizing a little and been making an effort to repent at night.

Friday:

* My thought is found in the talk "We Talk of Christ" by Elder Andersen.  It made me think of all those religions who say that you just have to accept Christ and then they are saved.  Now a great many of those people will also say that you can tell if someone has accepted Christ by how they live and if they are still living a bad life then they must not be really saved.  While it is a fact that we are expected to do more than just accept Christ there is some truth in what they are saying.  President Nelson said "As we invest time in learning about the savior and His atoning sacrifice, we are drawn to [Him]...."...Our focus [becomes] riveted on the Savior and His gospel" (edits curtesy of Elder Andersen).  The more often we focus on Christ the more it naturally changes us.  The more we study His life and His words the more they become a part of us.  Changes can happen without us realizing it or it just seems easier.  If you want to improve in an area or learn a new skill then just spending a lot of time reading, learning, watching, and thinking about that thing will in and of itself give you a boost and a foundation for later action.  If you want to come closer to Christ or develop one of His attributes it is the same.  Learn what he did, read what he said about it, study the examples of others who have already reached that goal, put more focus on that thing and that alone will improve your abilities.

• I woke up late and stayed up real late.  Not the greatest day for that goal.  I really struggle to go to bed if I didn't get much alone/me time.
• Room good again.  I have accidently brought my phone in maybe once or twice a week.  However it is immediately rectified and is becoming second nature to keep it out of the room.  Why some goals are easy and others nigh impossible I don't quite understand.  I almost feel like I am doing well enough that I could take this off the goal list, however, it has not been the 21 days that I spoke of in a post from last year sometime so I am waiting to see, I think I need another week or so before I can take it off the list.
• Made a pathetic attempt at repenting but it was an attempt so progress yay.  Also touched on my memorizing.  I might need to focus more on it but then I also really need to focus on the bed time.  The bed time will also help with the repenting which will in turn help with the energy and desire to use the memorizing.  I'm really trying to do a massive thing here.  I've had an imaginary world for since before I was 8 and only left it for a few years of my mission and some school.  It is a very ingrained habit and I've only just come to figure out how to leave that particular world behind.  It's basically an addiction all unto itself.  Perhaps that is why I feel I can only do a small number of goals right now.  This particular goal is so huge in terms of what I'm trying to overcome.  It really is the hardest thing I've ever had to do before.  But I am making progress and I'm seeing that progress and that makes me excited.

Saturday:

* I read the most amazing talk by President Nelson.  It was his Sunday morning talk "Let God Prevail".  I don't remember if I got the same stuff out of it the first time but it has made a strong impression this time.  He says the name Israel refers to a person "who is willing to let God prevail" in their life.  First not that we always do it but that we are willing for it be so.  He says we can choose to let God prevail and be the most powerful influence in our lives or we can not.  We are asked to sacrifice things but it isn't often a big thing but more often it is little things and I find those much harder to do.  I should let God prevail in my bed time.  I know he wants me to go to bed earlier.  I need it to keep my body healthy, I need it to take care of Grandma well, I need it to have the energy to take care of the house, I need it because it will assist in all my other goals, I need it to do all the other things I really want to do but am too tired or stressed to do because I didn't have the time earlier and now I don't want to do any of them!  So in this case I need to sacrifice some of my selfish time in the evening and get off the computer to go to bed.  This will be hard but that is what faith is.  I know I will get the blessings later even though I can't see them right now so I'm going to try harder to do it every night.

• So I failed at going to bed by 10 but I did turn the computer off a little after 10.  No I didn't then go to bed but I still count it as tiny progress.
• I also actually used my call list when I needed to.

Sunday:

* I didn't read today but exciting news is that we are going to go back to the 2 hour block for church and since Grandpa and Grandma have got their shots they are going to start going to church again.  

• I did actually go to bed just before 10!
• Still doing fantastic on my room.
• Did also do a bit of memorizing.

Next week could be even better!