Amber - My name is right here

 The title is me trying to type while Grandma stands over complaining about the ice cream spots on her shirt.  I am looking forward to the progress of this week.  I'm also super excited for general conference!  Also it is Easter which is fun.  I think I will dye some eggs with Grandma, we'll see how she does.  I might have to have her wear her painting clothes.  This weeks goals are pretty much the same.  Though to be honest I'm ignoring the last two one time things until I can get my sleep schedule to switch.

One time things

• Make a plan of what extra things I'm going to study
• Make a plan of how I want to practice doing my daily goals

Daily goals

• Get up 6-7.  I prefer 6 but having enough sleep is more important than more morning time.
• Keep my room electronic-free
• Do service when I'm lonely
• Memorize when I drift off into an imaginary world
• Call someone when I feel tempted
• Repent each night
• Go to bed 9-10.  I aim for 9 but not sure if I can cut myself off by then if I already had a bad day.

Monday:

* I read two talks today because I'm trying to catch up before Saturday.  Unfortunately I didn't find a whole lot between the two.  The one thing I liked was from the talk "Let Patience Have Her Perfect Work, And Count It All Joy!"  The part I liked was almost an after thought in the talk and was a scripture in Matt 6:21.  Elder Jaggi says "let disciple of Jesus Christ be our most pronounced and affirming affiliation. "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.""  Sometimes I wonder if I love other things more than God because I spend so much time on other things.  But that is not what I want because I've tried to do all the things on my own and I've pretty much failed at all of them.  It is only when I've put God first that I've succeeded.  So this a reminder to let go a little on the "other things".  One because I won't be very successful in them on my own and two because God usually wants me to have them anyways.  I just have to trust him that he will help me accomplish them in addition to anything else he wants me to do.

• Um well I had a good bad day.  I really love mondays and often wish every day was like it.  I always have more energy on Monday and feel quite excited for what the week holds.  However I spent the whole day doing stuff and some of it was stressful so that by the end of the day I was a bit depressed.  Not any time to relax and then I wasn't feeling well and had a slight panic attack.  It passed quickly but I couldn't go to bed until after midnight.  So not so great for the start of the week but I will press on.

Tuesday:

* I read another conference talk called "Highly Favored of the Lord".  The part that stood out was the focus on what you can do rather than what you are limited by.  Elder Stevenson talks about all the examples in the scriptures of people who persevered through adversity, Paul and Silas, Paul in rome, Nephi and Lehi in prison, Alma and Amulek, and Joseph Smith also in prison.  These individuals were blessed by the Lord "to accomplish greatness in adversity.  All were defined more by what they were able to do with the Lord's help than by what they could not do as a result of their confinement and restriction."  I often feel unable to do things because of my situation and health and am frustrated by that because I could be doing a lot more.  I should be focusing on what I can do right now with the Lord's help.  Not only will I be more successful but I will also be happier that way. 

• Good on the room but total failure on the evening which makes the next morning rise time bad by default.  I can't seem to go to bed, time goes by so quickly and I think I'm almost done and I'll be off in a few minutes but then it changes into hours later.

Wednesday;

* I actually read my scriptures today and not a talk.  Today I found a thing in D&C 62:1.  Sometimes I do what my seminary/institute teachers suggest and I occasionally will put my own name in a scripture in place of whoever the Lord is talking to.  I did that in this verse and it turned out very nice. "Behold, and hearken, Amber of my church, saith the Lord your God, even Jesus Christ, your advocate, who knoweth your weakness and how to succor you when you are tempted."  I changed a couple things to fit talking to just me but it is very comforting to know that Christ is there when I am weak and doesn't just stand and say "you failed again."  He knows how to help me resist and overcome but also repent and he is always willing to help me with that too.

• I did actually get off the computer and go to bed before midnight, better than yesterday.

Thursday:

* My thought today is actually from hymn #223 "Have I Done Any Good?" The line is "wake up and do something more than dream of your mansion above.  Doing good is a pleasure, a joy beyond measure, a blessing of duty and love."  I have applied it to anything I dream about doing.  I am notorious for extensively planning things out but rarely following through.  If I get off of the plan or if things aren't going as I want then I lose enthusiasm and I put those plans aside.  However, I'm still dreaming about doing the thing.  I often need a wake up call and also to remember that the journey itself is also something I should take pleasure in because when I stop looking ahead and focus on the now I find it to be very enjoyable.

So I kind of didn't do the rest of this week.  Conference was amazing!  I got some good stuff though it was more like do better at what you are doing rather than new stuff.  I'll get a ton more out of it when I read it.  I've done so so on my bedtime.  Still not made it on time though one night I did start to go but then got distracted and was up until almost 10:30.  Hopefully next week is better.